Friday, we remembered one of the most, if not the greatest, bittersweet day in all of history. Bitter in the sense that Jesus suffered and died, sweet because we are now free from our sins. Through out the day I had been trying to wrap my mind and heart around what to feel. Thankfulness? Sorrow? Something in between? Both?
A thought that I kept thinking was, "Jesus, I am so sorry."
Sorry that He had to die for us. That we sin, and that He loves us so much to die for us, to be forgiven. I love Jesus very much, I wouldn't want Him to die and that is why I feel sorry in this sense.
Sorry that every single person turned their back on Him, even His own Father. I don't like be rejected, unaccepted, or feeling unloved just by a few people. But Jesus had every single person refuse to even associate with Him. Peter denied Him, people who knew Him stood at a distance when He was crucified. People mocked Him, spit on Him, and beat Him. God the Father even turned away from His own Son. He was 100% alone.
Sorry for all of the things He must have been feeling leading up to it and during. Aside from massive pain, the stress, loneliness, anxiety, fear, sadness, and on and on. I don't like dealing with just one of those things at a time, but having all of that weighing Him down at the same time? That's crazy!
All of this happened at the same time within one week. That Jesus felt all these things, suffered great pain, and took the weight of every sin of this broken world.
When we get down to it, we all deserve to die the death that Jesus did. As one of the criminals hanging with Him said, "Don’t you fear God even when you have been sentenced to die? We deserve to die for our crimes, but this man hasn't done anything wrong.” (Luke 23:40-41)
I am so thankful that Jesus did die for us so that we may some day follow Him to Heaven, but it also makes me wonder... When Jesus says 'follow me,' is He asking us to also follow Him into suffering as well? If so, what is our response to that suffering? Complaining or anger? Or to receive His strength to go through that suffering and give Him praise?
Think about it...comment, share your thoughts, etc.
Peace
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Who's inviting who?
I realize it has been a while since I have posted anything here and some of you are probably amazed that I have a blog. But when I was praying, had this really cool thought/God spoke/God helped me understand something better.
On the path of becoming a Christian, many people might say "I invited God into my heart," or pastors might say "Would you like to invite Jesus into your heart today?" And as I was praying I was saying "Thank you for coming in to my life and for being a part of my life." That's when God was just telling me, making me think, and helping me understand. Who's inviting who? Who's coming into whose life?
What makes me think that I can say hey God come on in to this finite body, this mortal life? Yeah I believe that the Holy Spirit is within me, works God's will trough me and does, can, and will do amazing things. But do I receive the Holy Spirit because I was convicted of something, get His attention and say come on in...I don't think so.
He's just waiting to jump into our lives. He is searching for us so He can bring us back to Him. (The parable of the lost sheep, Luke 15:3-7) Jesus sent the invitation when he said, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except though me." (John 14:6) Or also in Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." We come to the Father, we come to Jesus. He's saying, here's My Kingdom, come on over. He's saying, whatever is going on or however you are feeling, come to me. Like I said, He's waiting to jump into your life, for you to say "Yes! I'm coming!" "Yes! Bring me back to you!"
Like when a guy asks the woman he loves "Will you marry me?" The only thing he wants to hear is "Yes!" He can't make her say yes, the feeling needs to be mutual. Same with God and even greater, well because He's God... He's asking you to spend your life with Him. He's not waiting for you to get on your knee, He's on His knee waiting for you to say yes. God loves us so much and the feeling needs to be mutual, that we love God right back.
Thank you God for always being in my life and for searching for me, waiting for me to love you back, waiting for me to say yes, I am Yours. Thank you for being a part of everyone's life. When they are feeling down, tired, weak, help them not to turn to themselves or to things of this earth, but come to you. It is hard to understand you God as you are infinite and we are finite, but thank you for the understanding that you do give us. Continue to work in the members of your Kingdom here on earth to help our brothers and sisters see that you are always with them, waiting for that yes. I love you so much. Amen
Think about it...and let's talk (or feel free to comment (agreeing or disagreeing), share, message, email, call text, whatever)
Peace.
On the path of becoming a Christian, many people might say "I invited God into my heart," or pastors might say "Would you like to invite Jesus into your heart today?" And as I was praying I was saying "Thank you for coming in to my life and for being a part of my life." That's when God was just telling me, making me think, and helping me understand. Who's inviting who? Who's coming into whose life?
What makes me think that I can say hey God come on in to this finite body, this mortal life? Yeah I believe that the Holy Spirit is within me, works God's will trough me and does, can, and will do amazing things. But do I receive the Holy Spirit because I was convicted of something, get His attention and say come on in...I don't think so.
He's just waiting to jump into our lives. He is searching for us so He can bring us back to Him. (The parable of the lost sheep, Luke 15:3-7) Jesus sent the invitation when he said, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except though me." (John 14:6) Or also in Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." We come to the Father, we come to Jesus. He's saying, here's My Kingdom, come on over. He's saying, whatever is going on or however you are feeling, come to me. Like I said, He's waiting to jump into your life, for you to say "Yes! I'm coming!" "Yes! Bring me back to you!"
Like when a guy asks the woman he loves "Will you marry me?" The only thing he wants to hear is "Yes!" He can't make her say yes, the feeling needs to be mutual. Same with God and even greater, well because He's God... He's asking you to spend your life with Him. He's not waiting for you to get on your knee, He's on His knee waiting for you to say yes. God loves us so much and the feeling needs to be mutual, that we love God right back.
Thank you God for always being in my life and for searching for me, waiting for me to love you back, waiting for me to say yes, I am Yours. Thank you for being a part of everyone's life. When they are feeling down, tired, weak, help them not to turn to themselves or to things of this earth, but come to you. It is hard to understand you God as you are infinite and we are finite, but thank you for the understanding that you do give us. Continue to work in the members of your Kingdom here on earth to help our brothers and sisters see that you are always with them, waiting for that yes. I love you so much. Amen
Think about it...and let's talk (or feel free to comment (agreeing or disagreeing), share, message, email, call text, whatever)
Peace.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Legacy : Jesus'
In a recent correspondence with a friend of mine I was asked:
"What do you want to leave behind (a legacy) if you could?"
"Why do you want to leave a legacy behind?"
"What would Jesus do?"
I responded with a simple answer, but feel that there should be more said now, so here it is.
First, I am going to address the topic of legacy in general. What I think of it and what not.
Legacy by definition of Merrium-Webster goes like this: "something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past." Now when I first hear the word "legacy," I think of something big, unique, or something that will be remembered for many, many years. It might change the way people live their lives, in either good or bad ways. But, hearing this definition, and thinking a little more about it, a legacy doesn't need to be that big at all. For instance, having children can be a legacy, a will could be another form of a legacy, or even something as simple as a memory. I don't think that I'll ever forget my sister, grandma, grandpa, or any of the other people that I know, but aren't here on earth anymore. It's not that they did anything amazing that many people will remember them for, just lived their lives. So, when I asked the question "Why do you want to leave a legacy behind?" I was thinking more along the lines of a big one. I just don't see myself, nor want to have a legacy of me left behind for a whole bunch of people. What would I, a guy from mid-west United States, have that no one else in the whole past of the world have that couldn't have been left behind already. Now that sounds pretty lame doesn't it, I am nothing but a compilation of things of the past. That's not what I'm saying. I am the only Ben Lambert, whether there are other people named Ben Lambert in the world, I am the only me. But how do I learn to live life? One, by learning things from experiences of my own, but also from those who have lived before I did and know things I don't. And those things are for me to learn, live by, and leave behind. If I leave a legacy behind because of how I live my life, big or small, then so be it, if I don't, then let it be.
So, Jesus' legacy. What did Jesus leave behind?
To put it simply, in three words, I would say that He left behind love, forgiveness, and life.
Love. Agape (that is Greek) love more specifically. Meaning loving everyone. Now, sadly, Christians, or perhaps people who call themselves Christians, are not very good at this, I'll even admit it myself, but it's what Jesus did and what we should do. In books that I have read, people were amazed of the love of the first Christians, it was something that they hadn't seen before. I'm not saying it's gone today, but I feel that Agape love is outweighed by the superficial love.
Forgiveness. This is one of the main reasons of Jesus' life. To be a sacrifice for our sins, to forgive us. In the Old Testament the Jews had to give a sacrifice of a bull, ram, sheep, grain, or birds to be forgiven. These animals had to be with out defect, first choice, or spotless. Jesus is just that, perfect. But not only did he forgive those sins that were covered by these sacrifices but even those that were punishable by death. In Deuteronomy 22 it says that those who commit adultery are to be put to death to rid the community of evil, but in John 8 Jesus forgives a woman who has done just that. Jesus triumphs over evil and will forgive if you ask Him. Now does this mean that you can go live life however you please and just ask for forgiveness? No. Jesus both told people to "Go and sin no more," and didn't sin himself.
Life. "My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." Not only did Jesus give us life, but he showed us life. Jesus tells us to do as he did, to live life as he lives his. Something that I love about him is that he is always himself, but he becomes who he needs to be, if that makes sense. He will always teach the same things, love people as he loves, and be Jesus. But how he teaches these things will be different. In a book I just read titled 'Bruchko' about a man who went to tell the Motilone natives in South America who Jesus is. After he had been there a long time, years, he was finally able to tell them, in Motilone terms, meaning same teaching but in a way they would understand,, about Jesus. Bruce prayed that Jesus would become Motilone, and he did. The image of Jesus in these natives mind was one who looked just like them, walked their trails, wore a loin cloth, and carrier a bow and arrow. That is Jesus. He shows us life, gives us life, and becomes a part of our life.
So what is Jesus legacy? I would say that it is himself. What he said and did were one and the same. And that is how Christianity, Jesus, has lived this long, because he didn't die, minus a few days. He isn't remembered, He's alive. People know Jesus, learn from him, and striving to do and be as Jesus is.
"What do you want to leave behind (a legacy) if you could?"
"Why do you want to leave a legacy behind?"
"What would Jesus do?"
I responded with a simple answer, but feel that there should be more said now, so here it is.
First, I am going to address the topic of legacy in general. What I think of it and what not.
Legacy by definition of Merrium-Webster goes like this: "something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past." Now when I first hear the word "legacy," I think of something big, unique, or something that will be remembered for many, many years. It might change the way people live their lives, in either good or bad ways. But, hearing this definition, and thinking a little more about it, a legacy doesn't need to be that big at all. For instance, having children can be a legacy, a will could be another form of a legacy, or even something as simple as a memory. I don't think that I'll ever forget my sister, grandma, grandpa, or any of the other people that I know, but aren't here on earth anymore. It's not that they did anything amazing that many people will remember them for, just lived their lives. So, when I asked the question "Why do you want to leave a legacy behind?" I was thinking more along the lines of a big one. I just don't see myself, nor want to have a legacy of me left behind for a whole bunch of people. What would I, a guy from mid-west United States, have that no one else in the whole past of the world have that couldn't have been left behind already. Now that sounds pretty lame doesn't it, I am nothing but a compilation of things of the past. That's not what I'm saying. I am the only Ben Lambert, whether there are other people named Ben Lambert in the world, I am the only me. But how do I learn to live life? One, by learning things from experiences of my own, but also from those who have lived before I did and know things I don't. And those things are for me to learn, live by, and leave behind. If I leave a legacy behind because of how I live my life, big or small, then so be it, if I don't, then let it be.
So, Jesus' legacy. What did Jesus leave behind?
To put it simply, in three words, I would say that He left behind love, forgiveness, and life.
Love. Agape (that is Greek) love more specifically. Meaning loving everyone. Now, sadly, Christians, or perhaps people who call themselves Christians, are not very good at this, I'll even admit it myself, but it's what Jesus did and what we should do. In books that I have read, people were amazed of the love of the first Christians, it was something that they hadn't seen before. I'm not saying it's gone today, but I feel that Agape love is outweighed by the superficial love.
Forgiveness. This is one of the main reasons of Jesus' life. To be a sacrifice for our sins, to forgive us. In the Old Testament the Jews had to give a sacrifice of a bull, ram, sheep, grain, or birds to be forgiven. These animals had to be with out defect, first choice, or spotless. Jesus is just that, perfect. But not only did he forgive those sins that were covered by these sacrifices but even those that were punishable by death. In Deuteronomy 22 it says that those who commit adultery are to be put to death to rid the community of evil, but in John 8 Jesus forgives a woman who has done just that. Jesus triumphs over evil and will forgive if you ask Him. Now does this mean that you can go live life however you please and just ask for forgiveness? No. Jesus both told people to "Go and sin no more," and didn't sin himself.
Life. "My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." Not only did Jesus give us life, but he showed us life. Jesus tells us to do as he did, to live life as he lives his. Something that I love about him is that he is always himself, but he becomes who he needs to be, if that makes sense. He will always teach the same things, love people as he loves, and be Jesus. But how he teaches these things will be different. In a book I just read titled 'Bruchko' about a man who went to tell the Motilone natives in South America who Jesus is. After he had been there a long time, years, he was finally able to tell them, in Motilone terms, meaning same teaching but in a way they would understand,, about Jesus. Bruce prayed that Jesus would become Motilone, and he did. The image of Jesus in these natives mind was one who looked just like them, walked their trails, wore a loin cloth, and carrier a bow and arrow. That is Jesus. He shows us life, gives us life, and becomes a part of our life.
So what is Jesus legacy? I would say that it is himself. What he said and did were one and the same. And that is how Christianity, Jesus, has lived this long, because he didn't die, minus a few days. He isn't remembered, He's alive. People know Jesus, learn from him, and striving to do and be as Jesus is.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What have we become?
It's amazing how influential things that happen in everyday life can create how we live and affect other parts of our lives. For example, how you are raised by your parents. It's amazing, or maybe not so much, how much we take from, or aviod, their life styles. We were around them everyday for 18 years, so we see lifestyles, actions, philosophies, etc., and observe. If we like it we keep it a part of our own life and if we don't then we do something different. But that is pretty obvious, I think, but there is so much more in our lives that make us, me for sure, act in ways we probably don't think about too much.
School - concepts, theories, written tests, memorization. Now, don't get me wrong there is more to school than that, but how has school made you who you are. Personal little tangent, I think that school should be more into the basics than it is, up through high school...maybe, and college should be more like becoming an apprentice to whichever job you would like to do. Anyways, something important from that tanget, the basics are probably the most important. We use those on a day to day basis, but how much of school do we use on a daily basis. Sorry, I'm not getting to my point. My point is that we learn a lot things for the reason of knowing and not for using. I see this mind set is very much a part Christianity. Sometimes I think we have turned Christianity into school, one of the easiest classes ever. You have class one day a week, you don't really have to read the Book(but it's good if you do), sometimes homework is given from time to time(but never graded), and a great way to boost your morale. Also, we all know what's in the Book; who the people are, the stories, and a lot of what it says, but what do we do with it? Math book, you do math, and balance the checkbook someday. Practical, right? Bible, you read it, "That was really good, what does it mean?" It's a story we can apply to life today. Just as practical, but our "homework problems" aren't problems in a book, they aren't papers we have to wirte about a book, they are problems in people lives that we don't want to risk getting right or wrong. If you have a problem with your "homework" ask the Teacher, I'm sure He would love to help.
American. Being American affects our life so much. Granted there are wonderful freedoms, services, and people. Sometimes, though, I don't think people realize where some parts of america are, and how they got there. Why are there so many homeless and orphans, why are Native American Reservations some of the poorest places? Selfishness. Becoming ingrown on ourselves. Becoming better than others. How does this selfish, ingrown, american-ness cross over into Christianiny? How often do we make Christianity for oursleves?
Little bit of information, this blog post has been waiting in my drafts waiting to be completed for about three months now. Why? Not 100% sure, but I think the main reason is that I wanted to say the "right" thing. I wanted to cover all of the ways in which this could be said, read, interpreted, etc. so that no one would take offense to or read this in a way that I wasn't intending it to be read. I am learning and have learned very well, especially from being on a college campus, that someone, somewhere will see something in a different light than I do, think that something else should go a different way than I do, and the list goes on. Point being, why should we try to appease everyone that might possibly have an opposing opinion or view about what we might say, write, do, whatever.
Perhaps, most likely being, the reason that I am going on this little rant is from all of the aranging, planning, and talking that happened today. I think that I would have liked to convey them in speech but it's not my strong suit. I don't think that I even said what I wanted to say in a way that makes the most sense, but oh well. Let's just do things for the sake of doing them and let God take care of the interactions that take place. What have we become that our purposefulness, probably not a word, will actually be what we imagine it to be. When we purposfully give that thing to God, it happens. So, let it happen.
On the note of the original topic, DC Talk has a wonderful song portraying the jist of what I was trying to say in the beginning, just not in the same broken down fassion, but it hits the topic as a whole amazingly.
'What Have We Become'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4anVFuOWD_U
A preacher shuns his brother
Cause his bride's a different color
And this is not acceptable
His papa taught him so
It was love that he'd been preaching
But this was overreaching
The boundaries stretchin' further
Than his heart would choose to go
Like an angel with no wings
Like a kingdom with no king
What have we become?
A self indulgent people
What have we become?
Tell me where are the righteous ones?
What have we become?
In a world degenerating
What have we become?
Speak your mind, look out for yourself
The answer to it all is a life of wealth
Grab all you can cause you live just once
You got the right to do whatever you want
Don't worry about others or where you came from
It ain't what you were, it's what you have become
Mom and Dad are fightin'
As Rosie lies there crying
For once again she's overheard
Regrets of their mistake
With Christmas bells a-ringing
Little Rosie'd leave them grieving The gift she'd give her family
Would be the pills she'd take
An inconvenient child
She wasn't worth their while
What about love?
What about God?
What about holiness?
What about mercy, compassion and selflessness?
You know it's true
He is there for me and you
Doesn't matter what you do
What have we become?
Have we come undone?
What have we become?
Have we come undone?
What have we become?
Selfish...
With selfish...
Selfish people
When you gonna learn?
Everyone of us
Gathered 'round in trust
What have we become?
School - concepts, theories, written tests, memorization. Now, don't get me wrong there is more to school than that, but how has school made you who you are. Personal little tangent, I think that school should be more into the basics than it is, up through high school...maybe, and college should be more like becoming an apprentice to whichever job you would like to do. Anyways, something important from that tanget, the basics are probably the most important. We use those on a day to day basis, but how much of school do we use on a daily basis. Sorry, I'm not getting to my point. My point is that we learn a lot things for the reason of knowing and not for using. I see this mind set is very much a part Christianity. Sometimes I think we have turned Christianity into school, one of the easiest classes ever. You have class one day a week, you don't really have to read the Book(but it's good if you do), sometimes homework is given from time to time(but never graded), and a great way to boost your morale. Also, we all know what's in the Book; who the people are, the stories, and a lot of what it says, but what do we do with it? Math book, you do math, and balance the checkbook someday. Practical, right? Bible, you read it, "That was really good, what does it mean?" It's a story we can apply to life today. Just as practical, but our "homework problems" aren't problems in a book, they aren't papers we have to wirte about a book, they are problems in people lives that we don't want to risk getting right or wrong. If you have a problem with your "homework" ask the Teacher, I'm sure He would love to help.
American. Being American affects our life so much. Granted there are wonderful freedoms, services, and people. Sometimes, though, I don't think people realize where some parts of america are, and how they got there. Why are there so many homeless and orphans, why are Native American Reservations some of the poorest places? Selfishness. Becoming ingrown on ourselves. Becoming better than others. How does this selfish, ingrown, american-ness cross over into Christianiny? How often do we make Christianity for oursleves?
Little bit of information, this blog post has been waiting in my drafts waiting to be completed for about three months now. Why? Not 100% sure, but I think the main reason is that I wanted to say the "right" thing. I wanted to cover all of the ways in which this could be said, read, interpreted, etc. so that no one would take offense to or read this in a way that I wasn't intending it to be read. I am learning and have learned very well, especially from being on a college campus, that someone, somewhere will see something in a different light than I do, think that something else should go a different way than I do, and the list goes on. Point being, why should we try to appease everyone that might possibly have an opposing opinion or view about what we might say, write, do, whatever.
Perhaps, most likely being, the reason that I am going on this little rant is from all of the aranging, planning, and talking that happened today. I think that I would have liked to convey them in speech but it's not my strong suit. I don't think that I even said what I wanted to say in a way that makes the most sense, but oh well. Let's just do things for the sake of doing them and let God take care of the interactions that take place. What have we become that our purposefulness, probably not a word, will actually be what we imagine it to be. When we purposfully give that thing to God, it happens. So, let it happen.
On the note of the original topic, DC Talk has a wonderful song portraying the jist of what I was trying to say in the beginning, just not in the same broken down fassion, but it hits the topic as a whole amazingly.
'What Have We Become'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4anVFuOWD_U
A preacher shuns his brother
Cause his bride's a different color
And this is not acceptable
His papa taught him so
It was love that he'd been preaching
But this was overreaching
The boundaries stretchin' further
Than his heart would choose to go
Like an angel with no wings
Like a kingdom with no king
What have we become?
A self indulgent people
What have we become?
Tell me where are the righteous ones?
What have we become?
In a world degenerating
What have we become?
Speak your mind, look out for yourself
The answer to it all is a life of wealth
Grab all you can cause you live just once
You got the right to do whatever you want
Don't worry about others or where you came from
It ain't what you were, it's what you have become
Mom and Dad are fightin'
As Rosie lies there crying
For once again she's overheard
Regrets of their mistake
With Christmas bells a-ringing
Little Rosie'd leave them grieving The gift she'd give her family
Would be the pills she'd take
An inconvenient child
She wasn't worth their while
What about love?
What about God?
What about holiness?
What about mercy, compassion and selflessness?
You know it's true
He is there for me and you
Doesn't matter what you do
What have we become?
Have we come undone?
What have we become?
Have we come undone?
What have we become?
Selfish...
With selfish...
Selfish people
When you gonna learn?
Everyone of us
Gathered 'round in trust
What have we become?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
What does it take?
What does it take to change a person's life?
What does it take to make people ask questions?
What does it take to to tell the truth?
What does it take to have a person tell you they care, that they are praying for you, or if you need to talk about anything people are there?
You don't have to know you are doing anything to change a person's life. For the past school year, I have only been myself, but until after I quit school did I realize how my attitude toward and how I live life has been observed by so many people. One person specifically was affected more than I know. God spoke through this person and told me why I came to the U of A, joined ROTC, and why I had to drop out. It was for this person. I don't know where this person's heart is right now, but I have seen the start of a change at least.
Why?!? What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? I have heard this so much this past week. Question for you: why does something "big" have to happen for you to ask these questions? People go along life's path with out asking why they are doing what they are doing, what they are going to do, and where they are going. Right now here are my answers, and sorry for the vaugeness, but I want to leave a few things disclosed for now for other peoples sake. Why? I had to for certain things to happen that I didn't know about til after it happened. What to do? For now, work, live, talk, and be a friend. Where? God knows, he didn't tell me why I came to the U of A till practially two years later.
I have a confession to make and I am not too happy about it's a part of 'The Wall' I think. I have lied multiple times in the past week. One, it's hard telling people that you are thinking about or have quit school. Every time someone asked, how are you? how are classes? I have responded ''good." Lie! I was not good, classes were not going well, I wasn't going to classes. I may have been phyically well, but not emotionally or spiritually. The Wall came in and blocked me from letting people really know what was going on in my life. After I thought about it, it hurt me, but I did it again yesterday. Immediately I just shook my head, but didn't correct myself. Now, I am good. Granted, I don't know where I am going to live yet, but people have told me I can live with them. I don't know where I am going to work yet, but people are helping me out. Just looking at me, a closed system if you will, with out looking at all going around me, I'm not sure I've been happier. I ask of you, don't hide what you are thinking truly. As I said in my last post, I opened up to a select few, but what if I opened up to everyone who asked? I won't know now, but let it be known, saying "good" when you are not is a lie, straight up...not an easy thought, even for me while writing it.
This last question really bothered me after I posted on facebook that I was dropping out. People probably cared before, but they just didn't tell me. How much better would this world be if people told others they cared for the sake of caring and not for something going on in their life. Why can't people tell me they are praying for me when life is "normal." How much better would you feel if you knew that people were giving you to God everyday? Now people have told me they were praying for me before, but I see it in a different light now. Question: Why do you pray for others?...think about it. Why can't people just talk for the sake of talking? It's most definitly partly not who I am that I don't just talk, and I know other people do, but I have had more people tell me they want to, or are there to talk if I want to. Let me tell you now, I am here to talk whenever you need to or just want to, about anything. Why did it take me dropping out of school for people to want to talk to me? I don't know. Just a thought that ran though my mind, do they really mean it or are they just saying it becuase that is what you say to someone going though a "rough time?" (I'm not going through a rough time as some may think and there are those that are going through a rough time, but people still say the same thing)
Not to say I don't welcome all of the concern and pray, but really, why did it take me dropping out of school? It's going to be a challenge, but I'm going to try a do these things for no reason aside from love. Why should love be a challege? It's sad but it's against human nature and until someone "needs" it we don't show it as we should. Sorry, or maybe not really, to end on a tough note, but seriously think about it...and let's talk...and do something.
Until next time...Peace.
What does it take to make people ask questions?
What does it take to to tell the truth?
What does it take to have a person tell you they care, that they are praying for you, or if you need to talk about anything people are there?
You don't have to know you are doing anything to change a person's life. For the past school year, I have only been myself, but until after I quit school did I realize how my attitude toward and how I live life has been observed by so many people. One person specifically was affected more than I know. God spoke through this person and told me why I came to the U of A, joined ROTC, and why I had to drop out. It was for this person. I don't know where this person's heart is right now, but I have seen the start of a change at least.
Why?!? What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? I have heard this so much this past week. Question for you: why does something "big" have to happen for you to ask these questions? People go along life's path with out asking why they are doing what they are doing, what they are going to do, and where they are going. Right now here are my answers, and sorry for the vaugeness, but I want to leave a few things disclosed for now for other peoples sake. Why? I had to for certain things to happen that I didn't know about til after it happened. What to do? For now, work, live, talk, and be a friend. Where? God knows, he didn't tell me why I came to the U of A till practially two years later.
I have a confession to make and I am not too happy about it's a part of 'The Wall' I think. I have lied multiple times in the past week. One, it's hard telling people that you are thinking about or have quit school. Every time someone asked, how are you? how are classes? I have responded ''good." Lie! I was not good, classes were not going well, I wasn't going to classes. I may have been phyically well, but not emotionally or spiritually. The Wall came in and blocked me from letting people really know what was going on in my life. After I thought about it, it hurt me, but I did it again yesterday. Immediately I just shook my head, but didn't correct myself. Now, I am good. Granted, I don't know where I am going to live yet, but people have told me I can live with them. I don't know where I am going to work yet, but people are helping me out. Just looking at me, a closed system if you will, with out looking at all going around me, I'm not sure I've been happier. I ask of you, don't hide what you are thinking truly. As I said in my last post, I opened up to a select few, but what if I opened up to everyone who asked? I won't know now, but let it be known, saying "good" when you are not is a lie, straight up...not an easy thought, even for me while writing it.
This last question really bothered me after I posted on facebook that I was dropping out. People probably cared before, but they just didn't tell me. How much better would this world be if people told others they cared for the sake of caring and not for something going on in their life. Why can't people tell me they are praying for me when life is "normal." How much better would you feel if you knew that people were giving you to God everyday? Now people have told me they were praying for me before, but I see it in a different light now. Question: Why do you pray for others?...think about it. Why can't people just talk for the sake of talking? It's most definitly partly not who I am that I don't just talk, and I know other people do, but I have had more people tell me they want to, or are there to talk if I want to. Let me tell you now, I am here to talk whenever you need to or just want to, about anything. Why did it take me dropping out of school for people to want to talk to me? I don't know. Just a thought that ran though my mind, do they really mean it or are they just saying it becuase that is what you say to someone going though a "rough time?" (I'm not going through a rough time as some may think and there are those that are going through a rough time, but people still say the same thing)
Not to say I don't welcome all of the concern and pray, but really, why did it take me dropping out of school? It's going to be a challenge, but I'm going to try a do these things for no reason aside from love. Why should love be a challege? It's sad but it's against human nature and until someone "needs" it we don't show it as we should. Sorry, or maybe not really, to end on a tough note, but seriously think about it...and let's talk...and do something.
Until next time...Peace.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Wall
"For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us." Ephesians 2:14
As Mike was talking about this verse this morning at church, something hit me. Not only do we built walls between groups of people, such as the Jews and Gentiles in this example, blacks and whites, men and women, etc., but I noticed that through my life, I have built a wall around myself.
Through this wall, people saw me as they saw me. I don't know how different people saw my life, how my life may have affected theirs, so people saw how they chose. But I feel that many people, if any, don't really know me. Now, when I say know I don't mean know in the sense that you know my name, where I am from, or any other fact about my life. I compare it to the movie "Avatar," when they say "I see you." It isn't the physical act of seeing each other, but it is seeing who that person truly is, seeing them to their heart. I still feel that knowing goes further than that. You can learn a lot by a persons actions, but I feel that knowing a person means you can ask them a question, and they will tell you anything. When you know someone, you can tell something is going on in their life even if they say they are "good." The thing is, that people don't know me like that because I don't let them. It's the wall. People ask me questions, pursue those questions, but I give simple one word answers that make it really hard to lead into anything else. It's partly because that is who I am, but I was also trying to cut things off.
Why did I build this wall? I haven't any idea. When did I start building it? An even better question. I feel that only recently, I have started to chip the wall down. Or, perhaps, it has been happening over the past couple years, and now there is a break in the wall.
The past couple of weeks, I have been struggling and possibly wrestling with God. We've been going back and forth on where my life is supposed to go. Back and forth on why He has put me where I am and why He is taking me else where. But, he also put a hole in my wall. With this issue, He opened me up to my parents, friends, and many people in my life. The result of this break in the wall was, and still is, overwhelming. I have never had so many people tell me that they were praying for me. I've never had so many people care for and give assistance to what my future may hold. This, though, added to the confusion. Not only did I have my thoughts, but I also had the other options that those people I confided in want me to go their way, or gave me a vague answer that in turn gave me more thoughts to think about.
So, back to the wrestling. All of these options given to me, each with things that appeared to be both good and bad, but I won't know until it happens. A decision still had to be made though. I am a very logical person and that I how I put myself into a few of these options, both Mechanical Engineering and ROTC. Engineering would provide me with a god job after college, and ROTC would guarantee me a job as long as I completed the program. Are these things what I really want to do with my life? I struggled with this a while, and I realized that I chose to do these things for the logical sense instead of being the things that I wanted to do, the things I would be passionate about. I could set my mind to being the best engineer or Air Force officer in the world, but my heart wouldn't be in to entirely. That's what happened, my heart took over my mind, like in a race when your legs tell you mind they are tired. If you let your mind win you slow down, but if you let your legs do what you they are capable of, amazing things will happen.
So, if you haven't figured it out yet, my heart isn't into what I am doing right now, so that means I need to change that. I am, if you would like to call it, dropping out of college. I am happy in a sense, and pained and afraid in another. Happy because it is probably the biggest step of faith that I have ever taken. Happy because it is a step in the direction to where I am supposed to be. Pained because I do not want to leave the dorms. All of the friendships I have made and all of the opportunities the dorm life offers. I don't plan on leaving NW Arkansas and I hope to find a place to live for the rest of the semester, at least. Afraid because I don't want to lose all that my life in college has given me. I pray that the relationships that I have now will not be affected after I am no longer on campus, as much, or a student. I don't know what the future holds in its entirety, but as Jesus said "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
The wall is broken, but it still needs to be broken down. Thank you for your prayers and for reading.
Until next time...
Peace.
As Mike was talking about this verse this morning at church, something hit me. Not only do we built walls between groups of people, such as the Jews and Gentiles in this example, blacks and whites, men and women, etc., but I noticed that through my life, I have built a wall around myself.
Through this wall, people saw me as they saw me. I don't know how different people saw my life, how my life may have affected theirs, so people saw how they chose. But I feel that many people, if any, don't really know me. Now, when I say know I don't mean know in the sense that you know my name, where I am from, or any other fact about my life. I compare it to the movie "Avatar," when they say "I see you." It isn't the physical act of seeing each other, but it is seeing who that person truly is, seeing them to their heart. I still feel that knowing goes further than that. You can learn a lot by a persons actions, but I feel that knowing a person means you can ask them a question, and they will tell you anything. When you know someone, you can tell something is going on in their life even if they say they are "good." The thing is, that people don't know me like that because I don't let them. It's the wall. People ask me questions, pursue those questions, but I give simple one word answers that make it really hard to lead into anything else. It's partly because that is who I am, but I was also trying to cut things off.
Why did I build this wall? I haven't any idea. When did I start building it? An even better question. I feel that only recently, I have started to chip the wall down. Or, perhaps, it has been happening over the past couple years, and now there is a break in the wall.
The past couple of weeks, I have been struggling and possibly wrestling with God. We've been going back and forth on where my life is supposed to go. Back and forth on why He has put me where I am and why He is taking me else where. But, he also put a hole in my wall. With this issue, He opened me up to my parents, friends, and many people in my life. The result of this break in the wall was, and still is, overwhelming. I have never had so many people tell me that they were praying for me. I've never had so many people care for and give assistance to what my future may hold. This, though, added to the confusion. Not only did I have my thoughts, but I also had the other options that those people I confided in want me to go their way, or gave me a vague answer that in turn gave me more thoughts to think about.
So, back to the wrestling. All of these options given to me, each with things that appeared to be both good and bad, but I won't know until it happens. A decision still had to be made though. I am a very logical person and that I how I put myself into a few of these options, both Mechanical Engineering and ROTC. Engineering would provide me with a god job after college, and ROTC would guarantee me a job as long as I completed the program. Are these things what I really want to do with my life? I struggled with this a while, and I realized that I chose to do these things for the logical sense instead of being the things that I wanted to do, the things I would be passionate about. I could set my mind to being the best engineer or Air Force officer in the world, but my heart wouldn't be in to entirely. That's what happened, my heart took over my mind, like in a race when your legs tell you mind they are tired. If you let your mind win you slow down, but if you let your legs do what you they are capable of, amazing things will happen.
So, if you haven't figured it out yet, my heart isn't into what I am doing right now, so that means I need to change that. I am, if you would like to call it, dropping out of college. I am happy in a sense, and pained and afraid in another. Happy because it is probably the biggest step of faith that I have ever taken. Happy because it is a step in the direction to where I am supposed to be. Pained because I do not want to leave the dorms. All of the friendships I have made and all of the opportunities the dorm life offers. I don't plan on leaving NW Arkansas and I hope to find a place to live for the rest of the semester, at least. Afraid because I don't want to lose all that my life in college has given me. I pray that the relationships that I have now will not be affected after I am no longer on campus, as much, or a student. I don't know what the future holds in its entirety, but as Jesus said "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
The wall is broken, but it still needs to be broken down. Thank you for your prayers and for reading.
Until next time...
Peace.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Answer to "The Call"
Dear Erin,
Who am I? Who are you? Who is that? Who? This world is full of people, and what good are we to each other if we don't know each other...thanks for asking.
Who am I? Who are you? Who is that? Who? This world is full of people, and what good are we to each other if we don't know each other...thanks for asking.
1. What is your most dear object – the first thing you would grab to save in the instance of a fire?
To be honest, I am not sure there is one object so special to me that I just couldn't go without. I mean, there is my Bible, but how hard is it to get another one? Yes, I have read my Bible, underlined things and highlighted thing, and it is very important to me, but God's Word isn't limited to a book. For the sake of answering the question, I would have to say my motorcycle. I love to travel, especially out in the open air with only the things I can carry with me.
2. What is your favorite dessert?
Chocolate anything. More often than not, if I don't have some variety of chocolate after, or during, a meal, something is missing.
3. What do you do when you’ve had a really no-good, rotten, bad day?
Say to my self "Wow, that was a great day..." in a very sarcastic way, smile, laugh about it, and go to sleep to wake up to a new tomorrow.
4. If you could be doing anything right now – time, money, or resources be damned – what would you do?
Quit school, get married, move to a third world country, and help change peoples lives.
5. What kind of person do you aspire to be?
A simple person.
6. What is your most valued characteristic in humans?
Since love has been used already, by Rumil, I am going to say...selflessness. It is very close to love, in a sense, and is essentially a product of love. Any more these days there is a lot of me, my, always looking out for what I want, selfishness. It's no good. Where would we be without each other? Nowhere. That's one reason why I like small towns, everyone helps everyone else. If something needs to be done, it will be done faster than...something really fast.
As far as these questions go, that's me! Again, thanks for asking!
Peace,
Ben
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