What does it take to change a person's life?
What does it take to make people ask questions?
What does it take to to tell the truth?
What does it take to have a person tell you they care, that they are praying for you, or if you need to talk about anything people are there?
You don't have to know you are doing anything to change a person's life. For the past school year, I have only been myself, but until after I quit school did I realize how my attitude toward and how I live life has been observed by so many people. One person specifically was affected more than I know. God spoke through this person and told me why I came to the U of A, joined ROTC, and why I had to drop out. It was for this person. I don't know where this person's heart is right now, but I have seen the start of a change at least.
Why?!? What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? I have heard this so much this past week. Question for you: why does something "big" have to happen for you to ask these questions? People go along life's path with out asking why they are doing what they are doing, what they are going to do, and where they are going. Right now here are my answers, and sorry for the vaugeness, but I want to leave a few things disclosed for now for other peoples sake. Why? I had to for certain things to happen that I didn't know about til after it happened. What to do? For now, work, live, talk, and be a friend. Where? God knows, he didn't tell me why I came to the U of A till practially two years later.
I have a confession to make and I am not too happy about it's a part of 'The Wall' I think. I have lied multiple times in the past week. One, it's hard telling people that you are thinking about or have quit school. Every time someone asked, how are you? how are classes? I have responded ''good." Lie! I was not good, classes were not going well, I wasn't going to classes. I may have been phyically well, but not emotionally or spiritually. The Wall came in and blocked me from letting people really know what was going on in my life. After I thought about it, it hurt me, but I did it again yesterday. Immediately I just shook my head, but didn't correct myself. Now, I am good. Granted, I don't know where I am going to live yet, but people have told me I can live with them. I don't know where I am going to work yet, but people are helping me out. Just looking at me, a closed system if you will, with out looking at all going around me, I'm not sure I've been happier. I ask of you, don't hide what you are thinking truly. As I said in my last post, I opened up to a select few, but what if I opened up to everyone who asked? I won't know now, but let it be known, saying "good" when you are not is a lie, straight up...not an easy thought, even for me while writing it.
This last question really bothered me after I posted on facebook that I was dropping out. People probably cared before, but they just didn't tell me. How much better would this world be if people told others they cared for the sake of caring and not for something going on in their life. Why can't people tell me they are praying for me when life is "normal." How much better would you feel if you knew that people were giving you to God everyday? Now people have told me they were praying for me before, but I see it in a different light now. Question: Why do you pray for others?...think about it. Why can't people just talk for the sake of talking? It's most definitly partly not who I am that I don't just talk, and I know other people do, but I have had more people tell me they want to, or are there to talk if I want to. Let me tell you now, I am here to talk whenever you need to or just want to, about anything. Why did it take me dropping out of school for people to want to talk to me? I don't know. Just a thought that ran though my mind, do they really mean it or are they just saying it becuase that is what you say to someone going though a "rough time?" (I'm not going through a rough time as some may think and there are those that are going through a rough time, but people still say the same thing)
Not to say I don't welcome all of the concern and pray, but really, why did it take me dropping out of school? It's going to be a challenge, but I'm going to try a do these things for no reason aside from love. Why should love be a challege? It's sad but it's against human nature and until someone "needs" it we don't show it as we should. Sorry, or maybe not really, to end on a tough note, but seriously think about it...and let's talk...and do something.
Until next time...Peace.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Wall
"For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us." Ephesians 2:14
As Mike was talking about this verse this morning at church, something hit me. Not only do we built walls between groups of people, such as the Jews and Gentiles in this example, blacks and whites, men and women, etc., but I noticed that through my life, I have built a wall around myself.
Through this wall, people saw me as they saw me. I don't know how different people saw my life, how my life may have affected theirs, so people saw how they chose. But I feel that many people, if any, don't really know me. Now, when I say know I don't mean know in the sense that you know my name, where I am from, or any other fact about my life. I compare it to the movie "Avatar," when they say "I see you." It isn't the physical act of seeing each other, but it is seeing who that person truly is, seeing them to their heart. I still feel that knowing goes further than that. You can learn a lot by a persons actions, but I feel that knowing a person means you can ask them a question, and they will tell you anything. When you know someone, you can tell something is going on in their life even if they say they are "good." The thing is, that people don't know me like that because I don't let them. It's the wall. People ask me questions, pursue those questions, but I give simple one word answers that make it really hard to lead into anything else. It's partly because that is who I am, but I was also trying to cut things off.
Why did I build this wall? I haven't any idea. When did I start building it? An even better question. I feel that only recently, I have started to chip the wall down. Or, perhaps, it has been happening over the past couple years, and now there is a break in the wall.
The past couple of weeks, I have been struggling and possibly wrestling with God. We've been going back and forth on where my life is supposed to go. Back and forth on why He has put me where I am and why He is taking me else where. But, he also put a hole in my wall. With this issue, He opened me up to my parents, friends, and many people in my life. The result of this break in the wall was, and still is, overwhelming. I have never had so many people tell me that they were praying for me. I've never had so many people care for and give assistance to what my future may hold. This, though, added to the confusion. Not only did I have my thoughts, but I also had the other options that those people I confided in want me to go their way, or gave me a vague answer that in turn gave me more thoughts to think about.
So, back to the wrestling. All of these options given to me, each with things that appeared to be both good and bad, but I won't know until it happens. A decision still had to be made though. I am a very logical person and that I how I put myself into a few of these options, both Mechanical Engineering and ROTC. Engineering would provide me with a god job after college, and ROTC would guarantee me a job as long as I completed the program. Are these things what I really want to do with my life? I struggled with this a while, and I realized that I chose to do these things for the logical sense instead of being the things that I wanted to do, the things I would be passionate about. I could set my mind to being the best engineer or Air Force officer in the world, but my heart wouldn't be in to entirely. That's what happened, my heart took over my mind, like in a race when your legs tell you mind they are tired. If you let your mind win you slow down, but if you let your legs do what you they are capable of, amazing things will happen.
So, if you haven't figured it out yet, my heart isn't into what I am doing right now, so that means I need to change that. I am, if you would like to call it, dropping out of college. I am happy in a sense, and pained and afraid in another. Happy because it is probably the biggest step of faith that I have ever taken. Happy because it is a step in the direction to where I am supposed to be. Pained because I do not want to leave the dorms. All of the friendships I have made and all of the opportunities the dorm life offers. I don't plan on leaving NW Arkansas and I hope to find a place to live for the rest of the semester, at least. Afraid because I don't want to lose all that my life in college has given me. I pray that the relationships that I have now will not be affected after I am no longer on campus, as much, or a student. I don't know what the future holds in its entirety, but as Jesus said "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
The wall is broken, but it still needs to be broken down. Thank you for your prayers and for reading.
Until next time...
Peace.
As Mike was talking about this verse this morning at church, something hit me. Not only do we built walls between groups of people, such as the Jews and Gentiles in this example, blacks and whites, men and women, etc., but I noticed that through my life, I have built a wall around myself.
Through this wall, people saw me as they saw me. I don't know how different people saw my life, how my life may have affected theirs, so people saw how they chose. But I feel that many people, if any, don't really know me. Now, when I say know I don't mean know in the sense that you know my name, where I am from, or any other fact about my life. I compare it to the movie "Avatar," when they say "I see you." It isn't the physical act of seeing each other, but it is seeing who that person truly is, seeing them to their heart. I still feel that knowing goes further than that. You can learn a lot by a persons actions, but I feel that knowing a person means you can ask them a question, and they will tell you anything. When you know someone, you can tell something is going on in their life even if they say they are "good." The thing is, that people don't know me like that because I don't let them. It's the wall. People ask me questions, pursue those questions, but I give simple one word answers that make it really hard to lead into anything else. It's partly because that is who I am, but I was also trying to cut things off.
Why did I build this wall? I haven't any idea. When did I start building it? An even better question. I feel that only recently, I have started to chip the wall down. Or, perhaps, it has been happening over the past couple years, and now there is a break in the wall.
The past couple of weeks, I have been struggling and possibly wrestling with God. We've been going back and forth on where my life is supposed to go. Back and forth on why He has put me where I am and why He is taking me else where. But, he also put a hole in my wall. With this issue, He opened me up to my parents, friends, and many people in my life. The result of this break in the wall was, and still is, overwhelming. I have never had so many people tell me that they were praying for me. I've never had so many people care for and give assistance to what my future may hold. This, though, added to the confusion. Not only did I have my thoughts, but I also had the other options that those people I confided in want me to go their way, or gave me a vague answer that in turn gave me more thoughts to think about.
So, back to the wrestling. All of these options given to me, each with things that appeared to be both good and bad, but I won't know until it happens. A decision still had to be made though. I am a very logical person and that I how I put myself into a few of these options, both Mechanical Engineering and ROTC. Engineering would provide me with a god job after college, and ROTC would guarantee me a job as long as I completed the program. Are these things what I really want to do with my life? I struggled with this a while, and I realized that I chose to do these things for the logical sense instead of being the things that I wanted to do, the things I would be passionate about. I could set my mind to being the best engineer or Air Force officer in the world, but my heart wouldn't be in to entirely. That's what happened, my heart took over my mind, like in a race when your legs tell you mind they are tired. If you let your mind win you slow down, but if you let your legs do what you they are capable of, amazing things will happen.
So, if you haven't figured it out yet, my heart isn't into what I am doing right now, so that means I need to change that. I am, if you would like to call it, dropping out of college. I am happy in a sense, and pained and afraid in another. Happy because it is probably the biggest step of faith that I have ever taken. Happy because it is a step in the direction to where I am supposed to be. Pained because I do not want to leave the dorms. All of the friendships I have made and all of the opportunities the dorm life offers. I don't plan on leaving NW Arkansas and I hope to find a place to live for the rest of the semester, at least. Afraid because I don't want to lose all that my life in college has given me. I pray that the relationships that I have now will not be affected after I am no longer on campus, as much, or a student. I don't know what the future holds in its entirety, but as Jesus said "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
The wall is broken, but it still needs to be broken down. Thank you for your prayers and for reading.
Until next time...
Peace.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Answer to "The Call"
Dear Erin,
Who am I? Who are you? Who is that? Who? This world is full of people, and what good are we to each other if we don't know each other...thanks for asking.
Who am I? Who are you? Who is that? Who? This world is full of people, and what good are we to each other if we don't know each other...thanks for asking.
1. What is your most dear object – the first thing you would grab to save in the instance of a fire?
To be honest, I am not sure there is one object so special to me that I just couldn't go without. I mean, there is my Bible, but how hard is it to get another one? Yes, I have read my Bible, underlined things and highlighted thing, and it is very important to me, but God's Word isn't limited to a book. For the sake of answering the question, I would have to say my motorcycle. I love to travel, especially out in the open air with only the things I can carry with me.
2. What is your favorite dessert?
Chocolate anything. More often than not, if I don't have some variety of chocolate after, or during, a meal, something is missing.
3. What do you do when you’ve had a really no-good, rotten, bad day?
Say to my self "Wow, that was a great day..." in a very sarcastic way, smile, laugh about it, and go to sleep to wake up to a new tomorrow.
4. If you could be doing anything right now – time, money, or resources be damned – what would you do?
Quit school, get married, move to a third world country, and help change peoples lives.
5. What kind of person do you aspire to be?
A simple person.
6. What is your most valued characteristic in humans?
Since love has been used already, by Rumil, I am going to say...selflessness. It is very close to love, in a sense, and is essentially a product of love. Any more these days there is a lot of me, my, always looking out for what I want, selfishness. It's no good. Where would we be without each other? Nowhere. That's one reason why I like small towns, everyone helps everyone else. If something needs to be done, it will be done faster than...something really fast.
As far as these questions go, that's me! Again, thanks for asking!
Peace,
Ben
Saturday, February 5, 2011
W.W.W.D
What? Why? What? Does it matter?
These questions are just something that have been running through my head and it's interesting to think about stuff. More specifically this is what the questions are: What is something that you want to have or to happen? Why do you want this thing or this event to happen? What is the importance, or what will be the result, of this thing or event? And following up that question, does it truly matter if you get it or it happens?
Now, since the future is ahead of me and the present is here now, it's hard to get a definite answer, but it's interesting to think about. Also, you can look back in the past and perhaps you discovered the true answers to these questions, or perhaps they are still to come.
For example: Sometimes I ask my self, as well as many other people, why did I come to the University of Arkansas? I say Cross Country, I say to go to a different place, just for fun, but honestly I don't know. When I really think about it, there wasn't anything guaranteed to happen when I came here except school and paying for it. Other than that, I didn't know anyone, I didn't know the area, I didn't know what was going to become of it. I feel that is was very important that I came here and there are still more things that are going to be uncovered as my time here goes on, but until that time comes, I know that I have changed while being in Arkansas.
So, I am curious, what are somethings that you could ask about your life? Why are you who you are today? What are somethings that you might be concerned about in the future? I would like to know. So if you would, please leave a post, send me a message on Facebook, email me, write a letter, or let me know if you want to get together. I want to understand my life and I think by seeing others it will help, if that makes sense. I hope to hear from you all!
Until next time...Peace.
These questions are just something that have been running through my head and it's interesting to think about stuff. More specifically this is what the questions are: What is something that you want to have or to happen? Why do you want this thing or this event to happen? What is the importance, or what will be the result, of this thing or event? And following up that question, does it truly matter if you get it or it happens?
Now, since the future is ahead of me and the present is here now, it's hard to get a definite answer, but it's interesting to think about. Also, you can look back in the past and perhaps you discovered the true answers to these questions, or perhaps they are still to come.
For example: Sometimes I ask my self, as well as many other people, why did I come to the University of Arkansas? I say Cross Country, I say to go to a different place, just for fun, but honestly I don't know. When I really think about it, there wasn't anything guaranteed to happen when I came here except school and paying for it. Other than that, I didn't know anyone, I didn't know the area, I didn't know what was going to become of it. I feel that is was very important that I came here and there are still more things that are going to be uncovered as my time here goes on, but until that time comes, I know that I have changed while being in Arkansas.
So, I am curious, what are somethings that you could ask about your life? Why are you who you are today? What are somethings that you might be concerned about in the future? I would like to know. So if you would, please leave a post, send me a message on Facebook, email me, write a letter, or let me know if you want to get together. I want to understand my life and I think by seeing others it will help, if that makes sense. I hope to hear from you all!
Until next time...Peace.
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